AEW Dynamite is LIVE from the home court of Daily’s Place in Jacksonville!
(This is the week’s freebie, I figured it would be best to start with something everyone could look at if they wanted. Smackdown and Collision will wrap the week and will both be paywalled, so subscribe if you want to see those when they go live!)
Outside the venue, the Young Bucks and Kazuchika Okada arrive, and are joined by Jungle Jack Boy of backstage footage fame. Security say, “Hey, pal, I know you’re on the official AEW roster page online, but you cannot come in here,” except the EVPs tell them to stand down. Jack Jungle has never been a bigger star.
Inside the venue, Trent Beretta is kicking Orange Cassidy’s ass out to the ring. Chuck Taylor must decide which side he will take. Chuck teases a Trent hug then calls him a PIECEA sh*t!! and punches him good. Ol’ Chuck wants to fight in the Damn Parking Lot.
Backstage at the venue, new IWGP world champ Jon Moxley is here to talk about his match with Power House Hobbs later. What is this, WWE Monday Night Raw? Someone have a GD wrestling match! “I don’t play golf, man.” Me either. I used to, but now I don’t, because I long ago became an adult who couldn’t afford to play golf. A well-to-do uncle got me playing as an adolescent and teenager, but I bet I haven’t played golf in 25 years.
Swerve Strickland vs Kyle Fletcher
This is an “eliminator match,” which is a concept pretty new to wrestling that I absolutely hate, taken from combat sports but adapted into a dumber format. Generally speaking, the eliminator match in combat sports pits the top two contenders for a title shot, not just a non-title match where if the non-champ wins, they get a title shot later. So Swerve’s first match as AEW champion is a non-title match.
Don Callis joins commentary. I terrify myself imagining this being a 2015-18 indie spotfest that also has a “dance-off” at some point. It surely won’t be, Swerve has grown beyond that. Not sure about Kyle.
But it’s not that match. Pretty basic stuff early, trading for the advantage, Swerve getting it after he lands a kick to the face going into the picture-in-picture break, where the champ talks to some fans at ringside and takes his time continuing the relevant part of the match that doesn’t overlap with the audio from a Burger King commercial.
Very very not a spotfest, but we gotta turn it up, and Fletcher does with a Michinoku Driver. From there you get the big impact moves but they don’t start racing by modern standards; I guess if you’re watching expecting wrestling to resemble what it did in 1986, then yeah, they’re going fast-ish, maybe. Fletcher ignores Callis’ playcalling and it nearly costs him when he falls victim to a Swerve Stomp, and ultimately does when Swerve hits the House Call for the win. Pretty good but not something I’ll remember by the weekend. The curse of there being, like, 10 Good Matches on TV every week. ***¼
Anna Jay vs Mina Shirakawa
It’s Mina’s in-ring AEW debut! Mariah May is with her. Taz wonders about lesbian. Excalibur and Tony are not willing to explore the discussion. Mina targeting the knee, this has some of that clunkiness that tends to happen when a Shirakawa has to come over and work with someone who doesn’t know their rhythm or pace or timing, I’m trying to put it nicely here.
Anna’s hanging in, though. She has such good, simple presence in-ring. Doesn’t try to do too much, but is always “on.” She’s put that part of the package together pretty well at this point. Mina throwing the right cross and the backfist after Anna controls for a bit. Anna does a tremendous job not really bumping. She makes a conscious effort to go down staggered, so she’s doing something artistic with it, but not bumping in the way most people bump now. She’s old school. Mina gets the clean win, which Anna Jay does not take well and attacks Shirakawa and Mariah May from behind until Toni Storm’s music hits and she races in to run Anna off. ***
BUT THEN, it is the music of Serena Deeb as I consider abandoning the idea of this blog. She wants the belt, cutting a promo nobody can hear while sitting on the stairs at the entrance ramp.
Thunder Rosa and Deonna Purrazzo have HAD IT with each other.
Willow Nightingale is now the TBS champion
Stokely Hathaway and Kris Statlander are here for the Willow Nightingale TBS champion celebration. It’s really funny when Stokely, who speaks with a ton of charisma, pitches to Statlander, who does not, to read some sort of Lanny Poffo poem, which Stokely calls “two packs of ass.” Oh and Caprice Coleman is rapping on commentary. Willow’s excited to be TBS champion!
But here comes Mercedes Mone and her horrendous theme song. The worst sh*t you’ll ever hear in your life. Comically terrible. Mercedes challenges for the TBS title at the next PPV in May. Willow hits her with the “if you got somethin’ to say, say it!” that Rick Steiner gave Chucky the scary doll in ‘98.
This is some weird mix of comedy and personal grudge, though part of the comedy is just in the way the lines are being delivered, even when not meant to be funny lines. Willow’s acting is not great (even by wrestling standards), but her passion is there so I don’t care much. Statlander grabs Mercedes’ arm, Mercedes thinks it was Willow and slaps Willow, and then they get pulled apart. I don’t know, man, it wasn’t incredible but it added some depth.
Backstage, Alex Marvez wants to know if Jungle Perry has been reinstated. Jack, Okada, and both Bucks have nothing for him. Well, Matt(hew) says that Tony Khan will meet Jack in the ring.
Casino Gauntlet
The winner gets a shot at the AEW International title (that’s the one Roderick Strong holds) at Double or Nothing in May.
We’re starting with Dante Martin vs Jay White. It’s sudden death! There will be more people, unless one of these two gets a quick win. First person to get a pin or submission gets the shot. This seems a dopey concept, which Tony Schiavone calls “fascinating.”
Oh good. The third guy is Penta El Zero Miedo, who I haven’t actively wanted to watch wrestle in years at this point. I say again, please bring back psycho bone-breaker Penta, I cannot stand any more of this weak autopilot superkicking sh*t. Nobody comes out during picture-in-picture. That’s wild.
When they’re back, it’s Kyle O’Reilly, who appears to have gotten a haircut since his loss to Roddy at Dynasty. Yes, Excalibur confirms the haircut. Here comes Will Ospreay! That’s a big surprise; nobody was advertised, but for Ospreay to come out for this match feels huge, like he’s too big to be here, and he’s kinda treated like that’s a fact. But it once again just gets Ospreay out there, and even in its small way, shows that he might in fact be willing to “grind.” (Triple Paul did AEW a huge inadvertent favor with that dig, not his most cerebral moment, actually.)
Ospreay and O’Reilly hook it up a moment, then here comes Jay White to face Will. Ospreay destroys Dante Martin with a standing Spanish Fly, but here comes Lance Archer! Archer decks him fast with a big right and just starts whuppin’ ass on everyone.
After more commercials, Komander joins. He immediately ranas Archer off the apron and onto a couple tables, one of which breaks. And then there’s more action! It’s wild out here! And then here comes Jay Lethal.
Ospreay thinks about the Tiger Driver ‘91 on O’Reilly but changes his mind, as he Injured Bryan Danielson with it at Dynasty.
Ospreay pins Komander after the Hidden Blade, so he IS going to Double or Nothing to wrestle for one of the midcard titles.
Basically, a fun enough way to eat a chunk of TV time, and it sets us up for Roddy vs Ospreay, so I’m not gonna argue. Weird indie concept that needs to be tightened up to catch on but there’s an idea in there, kinda. Strong comes out after the match tailed by the rest of the Undisputed Kingdom. **½
Oh no, it’s Chris Jericho, and he has new music
He says “FTW” now means “For the World.” He does his new shtick for a while until he’s interrupted by Big Bill, whose arrival sets the crowd on fire. Why does Bill talk vaguely like Razor Ramon? He wants Jericho to guide his career. Look, I don’t ever really want to see Jericho again, but I suppose this is the best use of him at this point if you’re going to insist on using him, and they are. Bill’s argument for himself centers mainly on the fact that he is Big. Jericho won’t commit, but he doesn’t say no.
Backstage, Will Ospreay tells Don Callis that he’s not going to do the Tiger Driver ‘91 anymore. Callis is mad about it. Fletcher tries to stick up for Will, Callis calls him a loser and leaves to go join Hobbs. This Don Callis fellow can kick rocks, from where I sit.
Jon Moxley vs Powerhouse Hobbs
For Moxley’s IWGP world heavyweight title. Moxley’s out first because this company does not respect tradition. First time the title will be defended in an AEW ring. Do you think Moxley’s ever going to take that vacation? Chyron notes this is Hobbs’ first world title match.
Hobbs tossing Moxley around with his RAW POWER to start, but when the fight goes outside Moxley gets in his comfort zone. Since it’s New Japan rules, they get a 20-count that frankly we’re way past if anyone were actually bothering to count. Everyone screws up and Tony Schiavone gets cut off mid-sentence to send the show to picture-in-picture.
I don’t know, man, I’m a big Mox fan but I feel like he’s been on a bit of a cold streak. Maybe that’s my expectations being higher than they should be, but it just kinda feels like he hit a wall a while back and he’s had no juice for a while now. There’s a spark missing. Moxley gets the win after Hobbs’ knee getting damaged, and eventually puts him out with the sleephold like this is GCW’s Matt Riddle’s Josh Barnett’s Blood Sport or some sh*t. Post-match, Konosuke Takesh*ta stares down Mox from the ramp. **½
Katsuyori Shibata will face Chris Jericho for the FTW title next week in Winnipeg. His robot tells us so. His robot also compliments Renee’s outfit in a very cute way which is the first time I’ve L’d OL in about a month. They really should get him a full ass robot like Paulie had in that one Rocky movie.
Tony Khan vs Jack Perry
Jungle Jack the Scapegoat is out first, and by himself, and he’s gonna talk. He has business to handle. Face to face! With Tony Khan.
And he will. Here’s Tony. Jack wants what’s best for AEW. Tony applauds this. Jack offers a handshake, wants to be reinstated, it’s all very fake sincere, as if he’s the son of some type Hollywood actor. Khan shakes the hand, they hug. Jack turns to the camera in the embrace and then raises Tony’s hand. Khan points at him.
JACK PUNCHES TONY IN THE GUT. Tony Khan has been physically attacked! The Bucks and Okada run in, upset with Jack. They back him up then check on Tony. The Bucks consider a BTE Trigger but Okada doesn’t want it. BUT! We get a Meltzer Driver on Tony. He has been Meltzer Driven.
Jack hits the buckles and shouts, “f*ck you people!” at the crowd. Jack’s got juice for the first time. Real juice. Not “fun song” juice.
Don’t worry, Aubrey Edwards will yell at people until they leave.
Once they’re gone, a bunch of wrestlers come down to the ring, apparently all of them were incapable before then. MY GOD IT’S SHAD! And we’re off.
GRADE: B-
No single match was great or whatever, and they ended on a big development that I’m torn on.
On the one hand, it’s different for AEW to have Tony Khan get attacked by wrestlers. It kind of reminded me of that one episode of Raw in ‘95 that Bill Watts had booked that ended with Undertaker, Diesel, and Michaels all getting the absolute sh*t kicked out of them by Yokozuna, Owen Hart, and the Bulldog, who were joined in the post-match assault by Mabel. Not in what happened, but in how stunningly different that felt on a WWF show in ‘95, to put the heels over that strong.
On the other hand, I just don’t know how much I’m aching for more Authority Figures being physically involved at all. If you cap it at this and go somewhere compelling with The Story, then it’ll be fine, maybe even great. If it becomes something regular, then it will stink, and suck.
For now I shade toward optimism, which believe it or not is usually my first instinct, no matter how f*cking stupid that has made me look over my entire life.
Three Stars of the Show
Katsuyori Shibata’s robot: Listen, I haven’t been feeling great, to put it lightly, and The Wrestler and his robot and Renee Paquette made me laugh a little. These things matter. You have to take them in and embrace them. It’s already gone, but for a moment it was there.
Will Ospreay: I’m not the biggest Ospreay fan, although it feels like this is starting to change on me, because I’ve really liked what he’s done in AEW so far. Nothing special out of him tonight, but again he felt like the biggest star on the show, a guy the company is going to obviously be able to build around sooner than later, while also having in-prime dudes like Swerve just hitting their stride, too.
Jungle Jacholas: Part of a wait-and-see where they go, but he came off as more than an also-ran and flunky with the Bucks and Okada out there. He came off like a lynchpin to where they’re going.
